My Child (Epilogue to The Final Act)
by Finnian4ever
Summary: I had never thought much of children. They were helpless little things, so prone to harm themselves or fall prey to others. I had considered children nothing more than the vermin of the human race, who all grew up into potential meals. Now, however, I have a child of my own. . . SEBASTIAN'S POV


**For anyone who has NOT read The Final Act, the short version is this; Ciel let Alois take him in order to cause Sebastian pain, so that Alois' contract with Claude would be fulfilled, then Alois' soul was eaten and Sebastian took Ciel back to the manor, where he made love to him and then ate his soul…at least, all but a single piece that was so sweet he couldn't stomach it. This piece re-attached itself to Ciel's heart and left him alive, but since that ounce of soul was the pure emotions of Ciel's childhood, that was all that resided within him, meaning he could not speak or even think very deeply; he is now just a dear little doll. There, you're all caught up.**

**Sebastian's POV**

((()))

I had never thought much of children. They were helpless little things, so prone to harm themselves or fall prey to others. I had considered children nothing more than the vermin of the human race, who all grew up into potential meals. For most of my life this was how I viewed them, not to say that I had never found a child or two briefly endearing in my long existence. Now, however, I have a child of my very own. I do consider this child mine in every way; I care for him, feed him, keep by his side day and night to ensure he is safe. Not to mention, a binding netherworld contract stated that that child's remaining ounce of soul belonged to me.

This child was now smiling up at me innocently, sitting within the circle of my right arm with his own clinging to my waist. Dear Ciel. Those bright eyes were bluer than ever, clear and curious as they peeked out from beneath the thick fur lining his hood, taking in the snowy Russian countryside. He would not abide his eye patch anymore. Regardless of how many times I secured it to his face he always managed to pull it off by the end of the day. He had also developed an aversion to restrictive clothing, and preferred the freely flowing shirts and flat shoes that he had not worn since before I met him. Gone were the fine suits and jackets with six to eight buttons up the front, with tight neck ribbons and high-heeled boots. It was hard enough just to keep his shirts tucked in. I found that if I sweet talked him I could get him to wear the wider silken scarves around his neck, and a waistcoat to make him somewhat presentable to the demanding social code of the time. He seemed to respond well anytime I showed approval or implored for him to do something. I had learned quickly that tricks were required if ever he was being impossible. Sometimes I had to start kissing his rosy cheeks and distract him in order to slip his socks on his legs, or start pretending like I was tying my own tie to make him interested and want me to tie a scarf around his own neck. It was not as if he never sat still for me; he seemed the most peaceful now when we just sat together quietly. However, he was now an utter child at heart, and could become very easily distracted over the smallest of things and not want to cooperate. I was already used to Ciel as being a difficult master, but now he was difficult in an entirely different way.

Before, he always had his own tasks to perform while I was seeing to my own. Now, of course, he stuck to my side like glue, following me anywhere I went and causing me no small amount of worry for when I turned my back. In this sense I truly experienced for the first time what it was like to have a child under my care. It was not complicated explaining his condition to the servants; Young Master had fallen during his visit to Earl Trancy's and hit his head very hard. It was tragic, but it seemed that his brain was affected and he could no longer speak or reason on his own. As hard as the servants took the news, Lady Elizabeth took it infinitely worse. Her grief was so severe that she became ill within two days of receiving the news. This was no surprise to me. When I brought the word to her she insisted on my accompanying her back to the Phantomhive Manor so she could see Ciel for herself. The meeting was painful to watch, even for me; Ciel only stared at her in wonder, and reached out to touch her face like he could not believe she was real. When she spoke to him he ignored her, finding the silks and bows of her dress more interesting and stroking them slowly. After this he giggled and ran over to me, where I stood unobtrusively by the doorway to the sitting room. He seized my hand and pointed at Elizabeth excitedly. '_Yes, my lord, she is very pretty._' I told him. Satisfied Ciel ran back to her, throwing his arms around her and hugging her. Elizabeth's eyes filled with tears and she hugged him back. This was the first time I had ever seen her embrace my young master with such reluctance. If was two days later that her mother also visited the young lord, and her stone cold persona cracked pitifully upon seeing Ciel. She gave us the news that Elizabeth had been abed since coming home, and that she had developed a temperature from the stress. Not that she blamed anyone, but she wanted us to know. I was the one who dealt with the unpleasant conversation about when or if his condition would ever improve. _'Is there any hope that this is only temporary?_' she had asked. _'Because I am afraid that under the unfortunate circumstances I cannot consider my daughter engaged to The Young Earl Phantomhive when he is so…damaged.' _I understood, of course, and promised to take Young Master personally to a top physician for examination.

This was a lie, naturally. I knew that no earthy doctor could do anything for him now. Not even I could. So I staged our trip to a city far on the other side of the country, and instead took Ciel out of the country entirely. The manor would receive word shortly after that we had both been killed when our small passenger train hit a tree that had fallen across the tracks. The explosions that ensued had destroyed any hope of identifying our bodies. Forging the story, along with survivor accounts and newspaper articles took meticulous planning on my part to ensure the tale would hold up over time.

I was aware that I was going to a great deal of trouble just to keep Ciel by my side. Most of my kind would have simply killed him, or left him to the care of others. I had briefly considered it when I realized the extent to which he needed looking after, but then found that it made me feel…I could not describe exactly what this new Master Ciel made me feel. Perhaps...needed? He suddenly took an incredible interest in everything and anything that I did. Like a child (which was truly what he was now) he would watch with fascination as I cooked or cleaned. I would let him help me at times when he really wanted to, showing him how to mix a cake batter and hold a broom. This was terribly improper, of course, for a servant to be letting a young master assist him with chores. Then again, Ciel was no longer the young master he had been, and these types of activities gave him joy. It did make my job more cumbersome, by household standards, not my own, which was one of the many reasons that I decided to leave it all behind. I wanted Ciel all to myself, and I was entirely weary of everyone pointing fingers and trying to tell me how I should or should not handle him in his state. Several of his business partners and social comrades suggested institutional commitment, and that was the last straw for me.

I took my master across Europe, which gave him plenty of activity and interest. He loved holding my hand as we walked through the many towns and cities sporting their different cultural wares. He loved riding horses through the countryside (once I taught him how). He loved everything that we did. It was so unnatural, the level of joy he found in everything, everyday. It was exhausting to me at first, as I tried to adjust to such a complete change in the master I had known so well. As the months passed, however, it became easier and easier to indulge him for the sake of seeing his face light up and smile. That laugh was so precious to my ears, those hands so cherished when they clung to me. He enjoyed being as close to me as he could at all times. He was always eager to snuggle into my body or relax in my arms. It was not hard to understand that physicality was the main way that he communicated now. Although, he had surprised me entirely by showing an ability to retain some language. While he could not hold on a conversation, he had picked up a series of words that he could speak, mostly just the names of items: _shirt, book, shoes, food_, etc.,...and _Sebastian_. This had been the first word he had uttered shortly after my feeding had left him this way; my name, the name he had given me all those years ago. I have already said that I now understand what it means to have a child, and in another sense it was the same when I heard him utter, in essence, his 'first word'. I know I will never forget when I first heard him say it.

I had been trying to coax some manner of speech out of him, with no real hope that he would be able to respond. We had both been sitting cross-legged on the floor of the ballroom in the Phantomhive Manor, Ciel playing with his favorite chess pieces on the gleaming surface. It was somehow pitiful to see those game pieces reduced to toys by the very person who once knew how to use them with skill and precision.

"_Sebastian_. My name is _Sebastian_."

I had patiently repeated to him, pointing at myself. He had ignored me for the first few times, concentrating on lining up all the pieces by color and height. Even in his regressed state he had a determination about him. Finally he had paid attention when he saw me motioning while I was speaking. He had stared at me hard, his expression so like his old self it had made my heart ache. Then his brow had retracted as understanding seemed to hit him. He had sat up on his knees and cupped my face with his delicate hands, his eyes studying my face as though seeing me for the very first time in his life. His gaze had been fascinated, and captivating. In this position he had been taller than me, looking down into my eyes, and I was able to drink in the sight of those pink lips drawing up in a smile as he whispered,

"_Sebastian_."

The name had slipped past his lips without any effort at all. No stuttering to find the right sounds like children do, it had just come out, sure and smooth. He had pet my cheek a few times before giggling and nuzzling my cheek with his own. After that he had gone back to his chess pieces, leaving me sitting there with a thumping heart and feeling like my wings were going to sprout and carry me to heaven against all divine rules.

After this encounter I tried to encourage him to learn as many words as he could, not knowing if there was any way for him to learn how to speak again, but wanting to test the limits of his abilities. I found that while he did not pick up on any other word the way he had my name, he was always eager for my praise, and so he tried hard to remember what he could. By the time we began crossing through Germany almost one year after leaving England, he could string together enough disjointed words to tell me what he wanted. This did not mean that he enjoyed speaking; he actually preferred to stay silent, which astonished me. He only spoke when he was extremely excited, wanted something badly, or I asked him directly to speak for me. That first year was rough, but only on me. For once, Ciel was the one who was untouchable. I had never believed the phrase 'ignorance is bliss' until my master proved me wrong and the phrase right. He was completely trusting, carefree as long as I was by his side. It broke my heart a little how much he trusted me. That first night I touched him like that...not knowing how he would react, he let me.

It was few months after we had left England. While I was well aware that Ciel was no longer an adult with a child's body, but a child in all senses, I could not hold back my urges. I am a demon, and have no sense of guilt. We had retired for the evening in the small room I had rented in a hostel in the French countryside. As always, we shared the same bed and Ciel was snuggling against me as he dozed off, whispering my name gently as he did at times just to soothe himself. I was stroking his hair, looking down into his cherub face and soft, pink lips. I could not stop myself. I kissed those lips. He giggled at me, and kissed me back. I knew he didn't really understand, but as he did not refuse me, I did not stop. I slid my fingers into his hair and kissed him again and again, while his little hands clung to my neck and did nothing to stop me. When I proceeded to his neck, then his chest, and then even his cock, he accepted me willingly, squirming and gasping and enjoying it. 'Sebastian, Sebastian, Sebastian...' he kept whispering my name over and over, and I could believe that night that nothing had changed, and that my young master was his old self, calling out for me amidst his pleasure. When I had made him come with my mouth I stroked myself to completion, not wanting to frighten him with penetration so soon. Instead I had gathered his trembling frame into my arms and kissed his forehead over and over.

After this encounter Ciel was never shy about letting me know when he wanted me to touch him. Now that he had a taste of what I could do to him, it was like one more treat that he could demand at any time. We could be walking down a street and he would tug at my hand, and rub himself while looking up at me longingly. Or he would straddle me during a carriage ride and start kissing me. There were a million ways that he told me without words to relieve him. It took a good month of physical affection to work up to penetration. The first time I put a finger inside him he had cried, and I had to work very hard to keep him from rejecting the idea altogether, promising him repeatedly that it would feel good. And he trusted me. As always, he trusted me to tell him the truth. Once he had felt how good it was to have me inside him he accepted anything that I chose to do to him at any given time. It was brilliant, like having a doll that followed me around and loved me, asking only care and affection in return. While it was not the same as being with the master I had come to care for, I still held such affection for what he had become simply because he was still Ciel. . .and I loved him for it.

((()))

It was a cold day, but then again, every day was cold in Russia. My young master...or as I began thinking of him...my child...sat beside me in the small carriage of the large Ferris Wheel. He had thought that it looked fun when he saw it rising above the snow festival's brightly colored tents and exhibits. He had all but dragged me to it, and pulled me into the seat. I could never deny him anything he so obviously wanted. He squealed a bit when the car took off, rushing to the window to look down as it rose. He swayed slightly with the rocking of the car, and I steadied him with a hand.

"Higher and higher!" He exclaimed, pressing his woolen-gloved hands against the glass.

"Yes, Ciel, we're going very high." I replied, charmed by his excitement. I tugged his fluffy hood back from his head so he could see better.

Ciel seemed completely captivated as the wheel turned, taking us higher into the air. I watched his heaven-blue eyes darting back and forth along the expanse of the festival, and farther to the stretching countryside and mountains. However, after a few moments his face fell, and he began inching back from the window.

"What's wrong, Ciel?" I asked, sensing the change in him. He swallowed, and then gasped as the wind hit the car and rocked it a bit roughly. He pressed himself into my arms, curling up next to me on the seat. His hands clutched at me and he hid his face in my chest.

"Scared." He mumbled. I stroked his hair and patted his back.

"You wanted to come up here, didn't you?" I asked him gently, "We're perfectly safe."

Ciel nuzzled a bit deeper into my body.

"Belly...belly..." He whimpered, and I understood what he meant; the uncomfortable flutter that ran through one's stomach when carried into the air so swiftly. I was amused by this; Ciel should be used to it by now considering how a portion of our traveling consists of my soaring through the air with him in my arms. I supposed I could see how this was different, as I was not the one in control of this giant contraption.

"It will go away, Ciel, I promise." I murmured to him, sliding one hand down to pat his stomach, which was slightly bulging with the layers of fur and leather that I had wrapped him in to protect him from the biting cold. He giggled as the sensation tickled him. "There's a smile."

I kissed his head and decided to try a new tactic. I rose from the seat, and Ciel gave a little cry as I pulled him onto his feet with me. He clung to my middle, trembling with fear and unsteady balance. I pried his arms from me and tilted his chin up to look at me.

"It's alright, see? I'm here with you, just stand here with me."

Ciel stared up at me uncertainly, then took my hands when I offered them. He held onto them for dear life as we stood there. His little legs were slightly apart and bent at the knee to brace himself, as he fought the urge to sit right back down against the counterweight his own body provided to the floor of the rising car.

"Look out the window, Ciel." I encouraged, thinking his stance adorable but wanting to alleviate his fears. "There is a ray of winter sunshine coming through the grey clouds, see?"

Ciel followed my leading gaze and beheld the yellow beam of light that shot down from the dark sky to an unseen spot far away in the countryside. He cocked his head to the side as it caught his attention and he stared at it.

"Where do you think the end is landing?" I asked him, knowing he would not answer, "Do you think it's hitting a little cottage somewhere in the mountains? Or perhaps it's lighting up a single patch of snowy forest. It could even be shining on a goat."

Ciel blinked at my last word and turned his face back up to look at me. He frowned at me as if to say 'really? A goat?', but all that came out was a pure laugh and a wide smile. This was what I had hoped he would do when I made my small joke. I smiled down at him and caressed his smooth cheek.

"Oh yes," I said, "a very white goat could be shining like a beacon right now and making the locals think he's divine."

Ciel burst out laughing, rested his head against me as he laughed on and on. I held onto his shoulders as they shook with laughter. I had no idea how he managed to understand what I was saying when his own speech was next to nothing. I found this a puzzle, but one that I could never fully solve. He turned that smiling face back up at me and he giggled. I pet his hair and leaned down to kiss him briefly.

"Look, we're at the very top now." I said, and he glanced back out the window, seeking out the ray of sunlight. It was receding but still visible. He avoided looking directly down, and instead his eyes remained fixed on that beam of light. When the car began to make its decent Ciel became frightened again, and I sat back down to let him climb into my lap. I held him against my chest and stroked his back to soothe him.

"We're almost down to the bottom, Ciel. It's almost over."

He relaxed against me, tracing patterns on my own thick black coat. I loved holding Ciel. He was such a small boy, but I enjoyed his weight against me, the way he clung to me with arms and legs like the needy child he was. His faith in me was absolute and it always came through with these physical gestures; when he completely relaxed, surrendering everything into my hands. My old self would have hated being in this position now and would have killed Ciel the moment he began to irritate me. Now, however, I cared for him too much to do such a thing. I decided that I would let him live until such a time as I required what sustenance remained in that spot of soul that let him cling to life.

I gently pulled Ciel off of my lap when we came within sight of the onlookers waiting to board the car. I kept him firmly in my arms and carried him right off as the attendant opened the swinging door and gestured for me to get out swiftly for the next passengers. I placed Ciel on his feet once we had cleared the queue for the wheel. I put his hood back into place and then took his hand to guide him on his unsteady legs toward a food cart. He had not eaten since we had arrived that morning and I felt it was high time he did.

When we neared the cart, however, Ciel stopped in his tracks. I looked down at him, and he shook his head at me. I knelt down before him to look at him on his eye-level.

"Aren't you hungry, Ciel?" I asked, and he nodded, his eyes flicking to the food cart and then back to me. He pointed at me insistently.

"What do you want?" I asked, trying to encourage him to speak at every opportunity. He pouted at me as he guessed my aim, and struggled to say,

"Food. Sebastian's...food."

"Ah. As you wish."

I felt a surge of warmth within me at his request. Any other child would have been drooling over the colorfully advertized food cart's offerings, but Ciel still wanted my cooking. How dear. I decided that we could be done at the festival for that day.

"Come on then, Ciel." I said, standing up and leading him along next to me. "Let's go back, and I will cook you something tasty."

His eyes lit up and he rubbed his happy face against my arm like a cat. This thought made me smile all the wider. As I remembered it, life had hardly ever been more enjoyable.

TBC


End file.
